so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
