i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
