How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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