Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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