omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
