you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
