I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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