party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
