She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
