she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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