i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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