Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
