I want you more than these girls want KFC
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
