Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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