College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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