For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
