I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
