I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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