can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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