end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize