You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
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