I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
