thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
