Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
