another moral hangover. fuck.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
