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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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