you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
