She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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