my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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