Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
