Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize