guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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