They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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