I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
