We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
