Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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