I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
