good thing vaginas are great cup holders
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
