paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
