Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im holly from the hills drunk
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
