watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
