I'm lost and stupid without you.
Soap is not a condiment
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
