I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
