Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
