I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Everyone says I win the strip club
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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