When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
