Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
