why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
