oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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