just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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