It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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