nutella sex= disaster
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
