I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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