Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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