I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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