I just pynch a tree in the face
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
