I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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