Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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