Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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