Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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