I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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