Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
