she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize