I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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