once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
