Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
