so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We need to rekindle our bromance
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
