U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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