After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
