i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
