i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
