she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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