Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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