nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
