If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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