I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
