Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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