He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My ATM looks so different sober.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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