How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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