bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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