I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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