No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
