How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
