I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
