you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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