A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
