Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
