can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
