3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize