We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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