I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize