how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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