you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
