I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize