Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
