I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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