Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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