I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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