Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
