Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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