i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
