He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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