i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
